Fluff That Falls Out My Ears
by Archduchess Paradox
Summary: These are One-shots, mini-stories and random ideas that get plugged up in my head. If you like Fable, Mass Effect, Harry Potter, Naruto, Elder Scrolls, ect. then you might find a good laugh or two here. Updates are slow.


**I have a infestation of ideas, so I'm hoping to get rid of them by writing them down. Just random ideas.**

**Don't own Mass Effect.**

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Hannah Shepard sat in the small room, her arm around her weeping daughter's shoulder, Abney.

Her daughter was sixteen and under normally circumstances would have never cried in public but at the moment the teenager didn't care who saw.

The mother looked forward, eyes dull as she waited for the reading of the Will.

It had been a week ago when she was informed that her husband, Mark had died in the line of duty while trying to save the colony on Mindoir. Why he was even that far out she didn't know. Probably a routine check up or something. Anything to stay away from her.

The love in their relationship had gone out years ago, and the only reason they stayed together was because of Abney. Mark was often away from home, seeing how he was a former Alliance-military turned diplomat, who traveled to all the colonies and was often sent to Earth.

Now he was gone and Hannah couldn't even muster feeling sad about it.

But for Abney's sake she would try.

The woman looked around at the small gathering. She noted that besides herself and Jane, the only other person was Anderson and four others that she did not know.

The remaining were teenagers, possibly her daughter's age. The first two were boys, obviously brothers; sun kissed skin with blonde hairs and haunted hazel eyes. The younger boy looked about three years his sibling's junior and somewhat sickly, twitching every so often and clinging to the older boy as though he was afraid he would disappear if he let go.

She recognized them as two of the few Mindoir survivors. Had they come to say their thanks to her husband for his service?

The other two, a boy and a girl that looked around them in a cagey manner, sat not far from the Mindoir Boys. They both wore red vests and from just the cursory look she knew they were the sort that had little issue on getting on the wrong side of the law. The girl was of Asian lineage, shoulder length black hair and dark slanted eyes that looked around in a wary yet curious manner.

The boy made Hannah stare. He was the splitting image (albeit younger) of her late husband with the exception of his eyes; the boy's eyes were blue, where Mark's eyes had been green.

Hannah stared, mouth gapping. That two-timing swine!

Taking a deep breath, Hannah regained her composure. No, the boy couldn't be Mark's. Mark may have falling out of love with her, but surely he wouldn't fathered a child, right?

"If we can start," the lawyer said, gaining everyone's attention.

"I, Mark Shepard, being of effluence mind and affluent body, am afraid that life's little mysteries have seen fit to take me away from you. I'm sure right now you may deeply saddened at the loss of my presence from your lives, but I assure you by the time you finish this, you'll wish you had killed me yourselves…" the lawyer tapered out, looking confused.

Hannah looked around the room, Anderson looking just as confused with the teenagers not far behind.

"Since I am dead (and thus you can't torture me), allow me to tell you a secret about me:

I am a bigamist, registered as married to two women, and had a few mistresses on the side. I have fathered five children," At this Hannah felt her blood rush to her head as it dawned on her that there were _five_ teen present, "my precious space-princess Abney from my first marriage, my colony boys Antonio and Alejandro from my second wife, my eldest son Björn and his half sibling the lovely Ling were from my mistresses on Earth, may they both rest in peace."

There was a silence that followed this, with the only noise being the awkward cough from Anderson.

"…He cheated on Mama?!" the younger colony boy, Alejandro, cried out as his brother looked shocked.

"Wait, we're related?" the Asian girl said, looking at her fellow Earthborn.

"He lied. He said he didn't know who my parents were." Mark's look-alike, Björn snarled.

Abney looked as though someone had sucker punched her.

Hannah wanted to raise Mark from the dead and kill him again.

The lawyer looked shocked, unsure if he wanted continue. After a few minutes he did, which he immediately regretted.

"Now that you know this, I should probably divvy up my possessions. To Hannah, my frigid first wife, who I am convinced frosted the bed sheets and had the warm, sunny demeanor of the Turian Councilor, I leave you with the SS Hale-Meer, my personal cruise ship. Go on a cruise for once. To my second wife Isabella," both lawyer and Hannah flinched at the sobs coming from the colony brothers, "the latino of my life, I give you full ownership of that farm on Mindoir you love so much. May you always have fond memories there. Now to my children," the lawyer gulped at the looks the kids sent him, "I have placed all my wealth into a trust fund for you to use to help you get good careers. Also, my massive gun and weapon collection is to be split among once you all become of age. I think that covers everything.

"I know you are probably upset with me, but I don't regret any of it. I would do it all again for what I consider to be the best of me. So a recap; to my wives I leave heartbreak, anger and trust broken due to being a man-whore and bigamist. To my children, I bequeath to you many years of therapy and unresolved daddy issues. Goodbye."

The lawyer looked horrified, Anderson's looked mutinous and the children all sported looks ranging from shock to disgust.

Abney was shaking.

"Abney-" Hannah started but was cut off by Abney abruptly standing and marching for the door.

"Abney! Where are you going?"

"To vandalize that bastard's body." The normally sweet tempered red head seethed out.

"Hang on, we're coming with!" The earthborn, Björn, called out as he stood up with Ling.

The Mindoir boys, Antonio and Alejandro looked at each other before standing up and following the furious redhead.

Hannah could only stare, cursing her husband.

While taking her deceased husband's name in vain, Hannah was unaware of the strong relationship the five children would develop, or the powerful friendship they would have or the future that laid before them, nor did she know that in an hours time she would need to bail the children out of jail for violating the dead.

After all, one cannot desecrate a corpse and not find camaraderie with your fellow desecrator's.

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**There are 5 Shepard's now. The Reapers are doomed.**

**May or may not continue.**

**I'm dyslexic, so please point out any mistakes in spelling or grammar. Feedback via review or pm most welcome and needed, the more I hear back about my writing or the story the more I can improve.**

**Thank you for reading.**


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